What is your facebook status?

I have been an active member of facebook for some time now. In the beginning it was more a tool to stay connected to my friends in London; now it seems it has conquered the francophone world and most of my friends are also facebook friends.

Facebook has put me back in contact with some friends I totally lost touch with, mostly from primary school or high school. It’s also a good way to find out what happened to the people you shared some time with.

I am however intrigued with the whole facebook status thing that is going on. Like any other network site, it is asking your name, DOB, hometown and finally your status. Your status defines in what kind of relationship you are. There are the obvious: single, engaged, married and the not so evident: “it’s complicated” and “in an open relationship”.

When I first joined facebook I ticked the single box. No question asked I was really single and didn’t think twice about it. After getting a couple of silly emails from guys I didn’t know offering me some not so honorable services, I un-ticked the box and became “nothing”. The following hours I had a couple of emails from friends asking me who the lucky guy was. The power of facebook.

But what astonishes me even more is to get notifications that someone is newly single. Obviously the poor “friend” has just been dumped or decided to terminate a relationship and the first thing you think about is “gosh I have to change my facebook profile, it’s totally not accurate anymore.” Action that becomes even stranger when hours later you can read that the person is “in a relationship” … or “engaged”.

So yes I understand, people change their mind all the time, hell I do to. But my initial reaction wouldn’t be to post it on facebook…

And when do you decide to put such information on facebook? Is it a mutual decision or does one party find himself suddenly tagged in a relationship? Is there a conversation beforehand necessary? If you are in a facebook relationship does that mean it’s serious?

There is no more mystery on the world wide web.

Belgique - fin d'une belle époque?

365 days since the last elections in Belgium and the feeling nothing is resolved… even worse we are even more antagonised than previously.

This weekend I was watching the Belgian news on the internet and reports from both “sides” where showing a survey where nearly half of the Flemish people interrogated thought that a separation was possible. What has happened to my country? What are we getting ourselves into when other more pressing issues are at stake?

Did I miss something or didn’t I read that the economy is not going well, that more and more Belgians have to live with less money, that unemployment rates are not going down, etc

One year of crisis, ultimatums, name-calling, threats, and absolute ridiculousness towards the outside world. Flanders is even asking Wallonia not to attack it so badly because it is concerned about the bad image it is reflecting abroad… Well it is. And for that to change it is not only Wallonia that has to change attitude but Flanders too.

When I arrived in Geneva, I met a couple of Americans. For the first time they had heard about Belgium. Not because of its beer, chocolate or capital of Europe. For them it was a country “like Somalia right, one without a government”. So ok it’s not as bad as Somalia. We are too well off to fight but it is starting to look like one of these African countries we so much like to criticize for its inability to govern correctly. Tribes that are not getting along, that want to keep the power or take the power from the other, that do not want to share the welfare they have made for themselves.

To people here, Belgium is merely the country were kids are not allowed to play in parks because they don’t speak the language, were housing depends of the willingness of learning the other language and where mayors are not allowed to step into their mandate even though they were elected.

If you want this perception to change, you need to change your attitude. And to change people’s attitude you need to work on tolerance between two communities, embrace their differences and acknowledge the similarities. Change the attitude in the press and make news that covers the entire country and not the communities. Make sure people actually speak the three languages (yes there is a third one).

If you don’t wish to do so, if you believe it is too late like so many Flemish politicians are now proclaiming out loud, then enough is enough. What is happening now is not a negotiation. To my perception, we are faced with two groups having antigonised views on what to do with our country and that will not bulge because of an electorate that they have to please.

Switzerland and social rules….

Two weeks ago, my boss told me that one of my colleagues was losing her job. No warning, no misconduct, no nothing. From one day to another, it was finished. To me, she was the hardest working girl of our team or at least she seemed to. I have no idea what people do behind their computer but she was never late for anything. She was the one who keeps my colleague and me in line, reminding us what we should be doing as we are both a bit loopy.

The only thing that I could say is that she was a bit miscast in her job as she was never really used to work with journalists. However, in Belgium this would never be possible.
This colleague received also an outstanding evaluation a few months before. Now I don’t want to bash my work but since this incident we have been looking into Swiss Labour law and it is quite outrageous…

Apparently in Switzerland no need for a written contract, although it is highly recommended. But even with a contract the employer can sack you without any reason from one day to another. How much time he gives you is up to your contract. If you were a bit silly and signed a contract that says that you can be laid off asap well there is the door and no need to come back.

If you believe you were sacked for unlawful reasons, which would be my colleague’s case, you must know that in Switzerland there are only three unjustified reasons:
1. Getting sacked during maternity leave
2. getting sacked while sick
3. and to be honest I don’t remember what the third reason was but something quite silly.

Even if you are found right in a court of law, you have no right to get your old job back… you only get 6 months pay, however long you have been working there.

People here take their work very seriously. Must be a reminiscent of Protestantism in its hardest form. Contracts are an average 42 hours/week work, you have 20 days holidays but you have to built it up: two days a month. If you leave before the end of your contract, your already taken days will be taken off your last pay (ok to be honest I think it’s the same in Belgium).

Swiss people also like to vote all the time. Well at least in Geneva. They vote on everything. Should Geneva hold a party for the Euro 2008, should there be a smoking ban, should dangerous dogs be forbidden in a park and so on. So of course when it comes to work Swiss people vote, what else is there to do on a Sunday in Geneva?

So when they were asked if they would like to have 5 days more holidays paid per year they voted… NON. And the government had to organise three different rounds to finally get people to agree on prolonging maternity leave with… one week…

Must be the cheese that drives them nut!

Blogger’s block...

Or Writer’s block if you prefer, although I don’t really qualify as a writer , “is a phenomenon involving temporary loss of ability to begin or continue writing, usually due to lack of inspiration or creativity (wikipedia)”, and that has been exactly my problem.

Not that I didn’t want to update my blog, or even didn’t give it a go. I have about 15 posts that I have started but never finished. My only excuse: it was always revolving around my dad and somehow I didn’t want to finish the post, or didn’t know how to.

Losing someone is a strange feeling. You can try imagining it as much as you can but honestly it never comes close. When my dad was sick, I sometimes wondered what it would be like if it was all finished. Most of the time, I thought I would be relieved, I thought it would give me space, make me worry less. I couldn’t be more wrong. Now, months later, he is still very much present. There is probably not a day that I don’t think about him; much more than when he was alive.

Guilt, sadness, anger, I feel it all in one day. Like I said before, small things I want to share with him and I simply can’t anymore. Strangely, I don’t really appreciate them anymore either. And more importantly, I don’t want to share much about what is happening in my life with people and especially my mum and my stepdad cos I can’t share it with him anymore. I know it makes people who are close to me sad but for the moment I just don’t want anyone close to me. I guess I just don’t want to go through all this again.

I have to force me to accept that it is ok to go on. I mean, yes I have been working, making friends here in Geneva and tried to have some fun. But the last few months, I have kind off buried myself in my work, my books and my computer. Winter was great cos I could ski every weekend and just not think about it. Now it is much more difficult I find. A good friend of mine who lost her mum told me the longer it is the more difficult it becomes.

I think for me now, the difficulty is to accept that he is gone, that I will never see him again and never speak to him again. That he will never know how my life turned out to be. Was I happy? Did I find happiness in my job? Did I meet someone who I truly loved? Did I have kids? Did I become a good person?

Difficult is also that people and memories just fade away: I have to think before I can picture him in my head. What did his voice sound like? What was his laughter like?

Relieved on the other hand cos I don’t believe he was very happy the last few years of his life. His various illnesses had left him without energy and he had to ask for help all the time. My dad was a proud man, an intelligent man who could not do as much at the end of his life. Walking up the stairs, running errands, coming to Brussels to see me; all that was just too demanding on his body. His apartment was a mess and he didn’t know how to make it better and he was just too proud to ask for help. Being sick made him deeply unhappy and in a way it affected me as well.

Yesterday, it should have been his birthday. Another day you want to call him but that is just not possible anymore. However, for the next couple of months, I have decided to let him go. I need to. Just for a while, I need to think about myself.

At least until September.

Happy birthday

First birthday without my dad. Just wanted to wish him a happy birthday. I like that picture.

Going back home

Three days before Christmas. Thousands of people heading home to their families; like little ants running through the airport. And I am one of them. So many people live far away from their families. I guess it’s part of globalization. Most of us can’t find a job where we live or can’t find the dream job in their hometown and so we move. Some go 900 km far away, others cross half of the globe to find happiness. But nearly all of us go back home for Christmas.

My family has never really celebrated Christmas. We didn’t have a tree, we offered gifts on New Year’s eve, we didn’t have the obligatory turkey. We just had a small family dinner. Small as it was just my mum, stepdad and me. I am more a New Year person. But as usual, 2007 is different. This year is going to be without my dad. I shouldn’t be a hypocrite. Usually I didn’t see my dad on the 24th. Sometimes I saw him on the 25th but it wasn’t regular.

Strangely when someone dies the meaning of these days changes. I will miss him of course but then I miss him everyday. It’s more the small things that are difficult. Like I said before: the new job, friends, experiences that I cannot share with him. The text message that he did not send this year at 7.45 pm, the exact hour I was born. Those things hurt.

However, it made me think about life in general. About putting things to later. “Oh yeah I should see this and that person”, “I’ll do this when I have a boyfriend”, and so on. I don’t want that anymore. I might become selfish but if I want to do something I will try to do it. There is no sane reason to keep on putting your life on hold. Saving money, yes fair enough but if you have enough why not go to New York for the holidays. Always wanted to work abroad? Do it. Don’t let fear, family or other consideration stop you. You don’t speak the language? You don’t have a job there yet? Does it really matter or are those just excuses to persuade ourselves that if those obstacles disappeared we would do it?

You can always find a job. It can be a shitty one but you can be a waiter in London, work on a farm in Australia, and teach in Africa.

Always wanted to buy an apartment or house? Always wanted to visit a country or city but waiting for mr/mrs right to do it with? What if you never meet that person? Should you exclude yourself from doing what you really want? Should we really live our lives expecting to find that special person to share things with? And worse what if that person hates your dream city? Should you never go then?

I know that things are usually easier when you sharing the experience with another person. Human beings are not made to live on their own. And financially it is easier if you have two incomes, especially when it comes to buy something. But small things like going on holiday by yourself, leaving your hometown for a couple of months to work somewhere else, doesn’t cost that much. It just requires courage. So do it. I am trying anyway.

Verbier